


Sheesh, Diego

by PepperF



Series: Diego whump [22]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Diego Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Gen, He's Trying His Best Okay, Whumptober 2020, alternate prompt list for this one, bc day 21 wasn't doing anything for me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:20:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27149323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PepperF/pseuds/PepperF
Summary: It hadn't been a hard fight. Maybe that was where things had gone wrong. Diego had been expecting more resistance from Colonel Fang and his henchmen, but they'd deflated in a way that reminded him of the time Mom had tried to teach him how to make a soufflé. Diego had had one guy in a chokehold and flung a knife away, altering its trajectory so it pivoted and came back around like a boomerang...and the guy had actually fainted. Boom, out like a light, to Diego's complete surprise. Which was when the now-forgotten knife had come hurtling back towards him, and he'd instinctively raised his hand to protect his face——and here they were.
Relationships: The Hargreeves Family
Series: Diego whump [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1951318
Comments: 11
Kudos: 35
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	Sheesh, Diego

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Bethany, as always, especially as they're getting a bit last-minute this week. :) 
> 
> The title is a pun! Just to note! It may not be as obvious to everyone as it is to me, so I'm just pointing that one out!

"I can't believe you did that."

"I didn't! The guy—" Diego has to catch his breath. "He moved," he says, through gritted teeth.

"Hey, at least you caught it," says Vanya, with something that might have been intended as a smile. "It could have been worse."

"Yeah, sure, 'caught', that's definitely how I'd describe it," grumbles Luther.

"Shut u— _fuck_." Diego sucks in a sharp breath as pain shoots through him.

"Shit, shit, sorry," says Vanya, who's been trying to stem the bleeding without making it worse. "Don't move!"

"I'm. Not."

It hadn't been a hard fight. Maybe that was where things had gone wrong. Diego had been expecting more resistance from Colonel Fang and his henchmen, but they'd deflated in a way that reminded him of the time Mom had tried to teach him how to make a soufflé. Diego had had one guy in a chokehold and flung a knife away, altering its trajectory so it pivoted and came back around like a boomerang...and the guy had actually fainted. Boom, out like a light, to Diego's complete surprise. Which was when the now-forgotten knife had come hurtling back towards him, and he'd instinctively raised his hand to protect his face—

—and here they were.

"Can't you just pull it out?" Luther mimes yanking the knife out, violently.

Both Diego and Vanya glare at him. "Can't you stop backseat first-aiding?" retorts Diego.

"Can't you aim properly?"

"Can't you—"

"Boys!" snaps Vanya. They stop. "So help me, if you two don't shut up I _will_ start another apocalypse."

There's a chastened silence, as Vanya delicately wraps a cloth bandage around the edges of the knife, fixing the wadding in place so they can get him to a hospital to have it removed properly (and not just _yanked out_ , Luther, _god_ ). She'd been very insistent about that, and Diego—conscious like never before of how much he valued having two functional hands—was planning on following orders. Vanya might not have any medical qualifications, but more often than the rest of them, she'd been the one helping Mom to patch them up after training. Besides, he'd take her advice over Luther's any day—medical or otherwise.

When it's done, Diego holds his hand perfectly still, not even twitching a finger, and cranes his neck to look in horrified fascination at where both ends of the knife are sticking out on either side of his palm. He swallows convulsively, willing himself to ignore the throbbing, insistent pain that radiates up through his bones, setting his teeth on edge. He can do this. He's strong, he's had worse, and he can deal. It's nothing to worry about.

"The scar should be a real conversation starter," Luther remarks, peering over his shoulder. "Particularly around Catholics."

Vanya, quickly packing away the kit, heaves a put-upon sigh. Diego frowns at Luther and pretends he's not grateful for the distraction. "Really? Really."

"I'm just saying, it'll make you more interesting!"

"Yeah, well," Diego waves his uninjured hand at Luther's entire body, "you're probably a real conversation starter around evolutionary scientists, but I never mention that because I've got fuckin' _manners_."

"Hey, uh, _ow_."

"Jesus Christ," mutters Vanya. She holds out a hand, and Luther pulls her to her feet. "Car. Both of you. Now."

"It's not my fault if Diego takes offense at everyth—whoa."

The floor had suddenly decided to tilt under Diego, but his descent is stopped by an arm like a comforting iron bar. 

"Don't make me carry you," says Luther, holding him in place until Diego gets his knees under control.

"You couldn't," snaps Diego, aware that it's not a great comeback. Luther can bench press a tractor and they all know it.

"Yeah, yeah, keep telling yourself." A hand grasps the back of his jacket, like he's an unsteady toddler. "Walkies," says Luther, smugly.

When Diego gets his knife back, he knows exactly where he wants to stick it.


End file.
